Good Things Are Ahead or, Why Don't You Drink?

I know it. Things are looking up for ol' Mick Swanson. Maybe.

If you drink too much water, do you puke or just drown?

I was thinking tonight, if the question were posed to me: Why don't you drink? I would answer in a way like this:
Well, I'd like to say it's because I want to obey the law, but that would be a lie because I break the speed limit every time I drive and I really like trespassing on abandoned things. I'd also like to say it's because I just have no desire to, which would also be a lie because I've been dying to try Pumpkin Ale and apparently there's no such thing as "Virgin Pumpkin Ale," (We've looked.) I'd also like to say it's because I like to enjoy things as they are, but while that wouldn't totally be a lie, it's probably not the main reason I don't drink. I guess it's just one of those things that I've stood firm on regardless of what people around me are doing... and I also think drunk people are just about the stupidest, least funny, and least likely people I would want to spend my time with. This goes for other substance abuse as well.