James 1:5-8 NIV
Reading this last night was hard for me to grasp. I mean, it's hard not to doubt because you don't know the mind of God. To me, to ask for something and then just assume that it will be given in the way I want seems foolish. I suppose this isn't really what this passage is saying, but it sort of feels like that. It's hard for me to not doubt that God will answer a prayer, because he may have in mind something totally different for me. I guess when James mentions believe and not doubt he's probably not referring to believing that your prayer will be answered in the way that you want, but in the way that God plans.
It does make sense, but I've just sort of been struggling with this lately. When I ask God for something, I don't know if I should expect it to be answered in a certain way. I feel like if I completely expect God to answer my prayer, I'm being too bold or something and then when I feel like I'm only halfheartedly expecting anything, I'm being the kind of double-minded man James is talking about. It's a good thing he sheds further light on the subject later in the book:
"3When you ask, you do not recieve because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
James 4:3 NIV
Most of the time I have this inner struggle is when I'm asking for something for myself, but it's not always for selfish motives. Sometimes it's for God to make a change in me to become more like Him, or give me a position to more effectively serve. I have no idea why this is so except that it's tough to know when you're being selfish, so you've always got to be examining why you're asking for something. For instance, maybe I'm asking to be conformed to God's image in order to impress someone, or maybe I want that position to serve God because it's where I feel most comfortable. Selfish motives just trickle in.
It's neat how after writing down your thoughts they make more sense. I landed in San Diego yesterday and it's been cloudy, which is lame. On the upside, the room I'm staying in is just bomb-diggity. Pictures soon. The house is gnarly cool, my dad just moved in so it's still a mess, but the awesomeness just shines through it. Really high ceilings, exposed beams, plasma mounted on wall, post-modern artsy couches and lamps. I set up the computer that I'm typing on now to use three monitors instead of one.
Yeah here it is. I love it.
On a completely unrelated note, never let a girl write 'I ♥ K██████' on your hand in a pen that doesn't come off easily; After seeing that on yourself for hours on end, you start to kinda believe it. :|
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